i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
