'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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