I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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