did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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