I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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