Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
