i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
