just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
do nipples grow back?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
