RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
