I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
