i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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