Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
