there was a trapeze. enough said
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
