she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
