I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
