he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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