I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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