Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
