My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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