actually, I'm a sock model
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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