I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my sisters under your porch take her home
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
