Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
