Already got asked if we're dating
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
