aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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