the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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