if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize