What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
