Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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