Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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