Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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