After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
