Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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