I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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