Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I want a musical about memes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
