Please, let me fuck your mom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I AM VODKA MAN
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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