I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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