nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
lets start a swedish sibling band together
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
