I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
where are you?
Hypothermia
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
