Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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