Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
