I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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