What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize