no, he came in my armpit
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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