And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
