My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
