Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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