Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the day after is always just damage control
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
