dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
