why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
