How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I'm really busy with my period
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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