It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
