Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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