Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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