If i come over, it means nothing
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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