apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You may now shotgun with the bride
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
