if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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