Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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