What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
