I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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