just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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