When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
