What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
