I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
