I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
