Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
