I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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