you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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