so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
