here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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